Anybody know about divorce mediation? I’ve heard about it, but not sure how it works. Every guy I know who got divorced shelled out a lot for a lawyer, but is it a good idea to go in without one? LIke any other business deal, probably better to have representation. Anybody know differently?
Not sure about the mediation thing, but I know that there are legal services out there that offer discounted services, I think most of the work is done by paralegals, and they only have lawyers for consultation. They have different names, I think some of them might be franchises. Not sure the quality of the product. True story, though,I saw one about 2 weeks ago, driving with the wife, (of course, she’s nagging the hell out of me). It actually had a sign out front that said “DIVORCE $499.” I hit the brakes and said, “LOOK HONEY, A SALE!!”. I might need these guys now.
I think that the divorce lawyers that prey upon willing couples (who want a mutual divorce) and soak them for every possibble penny should be shipped off to an island and left for dead. Maybe the pricks will start to each off of each other. My ex wife and I are still friends and the only thing we got out of our “Mutual Divorce” was allot less money for us or the kids. When all was said and done it cost us more than 12 thousand and took nearly 2 years. I live in New York and wondered if this was the normal or is it just another New York system failure???
You got that right. My lawyer took 5g’s for the retainer, and told me that any unused amount would be refunded after a “non-contested” divorce. Apparently there’s no such thing, since the more it’s contested, the more they can bill you. If it’s really uncontested, do yourself a favor and try to draft an agreement between the 2 of you…then just go to a mediation service. If you really can’t agree, then you’re screwed anyway, but your lawyer isn’t your friend. I’m in NY also, so I guess we would need to hear from some guys in other states to see if this is the system everywhere. I got to the point where I would actually look forward talking to my ex more than I would my lawyer. The meter is running on every conversation.
The first thing my lawyer told me was “If you had a difficult marriage you’l have a difficult divorce”. My wife and i had a terrible marriage regarding communication, there was none. During the divorcr process we never spoke, all communication was done through our attorneys. The division of assests should have been simple but because of our non communication the attorneys extended things and the process took over a year and cost us more than seventy thousand dollars. If you can get your wife to agree to mediation it will make the process much /cheaper/easier on both of you.
It pays to at least investigate the mediation option if you're splitting up. The only way it will work is if you and your wife can agree on things. You both have to come to terms with the fact that neither of you will get your way on everything anyway. Once you've past that hurdle, each of you have to think clearly and fairly, with an eye towards what the law says anyway. If you litigate it,the judgment will be exactly what the law calls for, so you just paid your lawyers big bucks for basically drawing up paperwork and holding your hand through the court process. Easier said then done, since divorces have so much emotional baggage attached, and in many cases, already involve betrayal, so the trust may be gone. Probably less than one quarter of the splitting couples out there can actually pull this off. Good luck.
If you can get your wife to agree with the basic issues affecting your divorce, you absolutely should try to go the mediation route. From my understanding, it's pretty much a set fee. You have to discuss all the points with your wife first, and flesh out a basic agreement regarding splitting of the assets, custody, child support, and any other particulars of your marriage. That's the hard part, since most divorces have a lot of emotional drama attached. But if it's a foregone conclusion,and you both are somewhat cordial, then you have to honestly discuss these issues, and educate yourself on the laws in your state. Once you've agreed in prinicple to these matters, go talk to a mediator and let them work out the rest of your agreement. Otherwise, these lawyers will look to drag out your case and bill you for every phone call, court appearance, consultation, and everything else.
I spoke to a friend of mine who was a lawyer, and due to a conflict, he couldn't handle my divorce. But he warned me, and said that mediation is the best remedy. A lawyer will cost you a bundle. They don't get rich doing clean, mess-free divorces. They will encourage conflict and delays to pad the bill. He didn't tell me this directly, but he hinted at it, and he was right. He said mediation was the best course of action, but both parties have to go in with an open mind, and be honest about all issues. If you fail to do that, mediation doesn't work, and you're still stuck with that fee, plus the lawyer on top of it. So a lot depends on you and your spouse, and how your communication is. Good way to save money if you are both rational.
After much rancor, and plenty of money spent on both sides, my soon to be ex asks me if I want to do mediation. I wanted to look into it when we first decided to split, but of course she was combative and threatening to try to take me for all my assets. I did the smart thing and retained a lawyer. Now that she sees that the settlement is going to be pretty much in accordance with prevailing law, she realizes that the money spent in lawyers was in large part wasted. Mediation is probably a great and sensible thing, but I think now it would be a waste, since the lawyers have things pretty much drawn up. That means that they would keep all their fees to date, and the mediators would still charge you a full fee to go through the case from beginning to end. To make a long story short, it's probably a good idea, but most people going through the divorce process probably aren't in a position to take advantage of it.
Mediation sounds like a great thing but it will only work if the divorce is an "easy" one, which very few are. What I mean is if you and the ex are on speaking terms, in agreement on issues involving the children and the assests can be divided amiably, then mediation will work, but for most people divorces are extended battles of a bad marriage so mediation although logical does not fit into the picture. If I could have done my divorce through a mediator then in all likelihood I would never would be involved in a divorce at all. That sounds a bit convoluted but if we had the ability to communicate at that level I don't think we would have ended up divorced. Every divorce is different but in most cases emotions and bad feelings win out over logical thinking, that's why lawyers exist.
I spoke to a mediator the other day. He told me that it would be approximately $2500 total cost, between my wife and I. That's assuming that we have a pretty settled agreement in place. He charges about $400 an hour, the same as a high end lawyer, but doesn't waste a lot of time on things. Gives advice, hammers out the agreement for you, and goes to court for you. He used to be a divorce lawyer, now I guess he gets it done on volume. I'll probably do it, but both the wife and I already burned through thousands of dollars on lawyers first, since she thought she was going to burn me with a lawyer at first. That decision cost us both, but her even more than me. Try to go to these guys first if possible.
Anybody know about divorce
Anybody know about divorce mediation? I’ve heard about it, but not sure how it works. Every guy I know who got divorced shelled out a lot for a lawyer, but is it a good idea to go in without one? LIke any other business deal, probably better to have representation. Anybody know differently?
Not sure about the mediation
Not sure about the mediation thing, but I know that there are legal services out there that offer discounted services, I think most of the work is done by paralegals, and they only have lawyers for consultation. They have different names, I think some of them might be franchises. Not sure the quality of the product. True story, though,I saw one about 2 weeks ago, driving with the wife, (of course, she’s nagging the hell out of me). It actually had a sign out front that said “DIVORCE $499.” I hit the brakes and said, “LOOK HONEY, A SALE!!”. I might need these guys now.
I think that the divorce
I think that the divorce lawyers that prey upon willing couples (who want a mutual divorce) and soak them for every possibble penny should be shipped off to an island and left for dead. Maybe the pricks will start to each off of each other. My ex wife and I are still friends and the only thing we got out of our “Mutual Divorce” was allot less money for us or the kids. When all was said and done it cost us more than 12 thousand and took nearly 2 years. I live in New York and wondered if this was the normal or is it just another New York system failure???
You got that right. My lawyer
You got that right. My lawyer took 5g’s for the retainer, and told me that any unused amount would be refunded after a “non-contested” divorce. Apparently there’s no such thing, since the more it’s contested, the more they can bill you. If it’s really uncontested, do yourself a favor and try to draft an agreement between the 2 of you…then just go to a mediation service. If you really can’t agree, then you’re screwed anyway, but your lawyer isn’t your friend. I’m in NY also, so I guess we would need to hear from some guys in other states to see if this is the system everywhere. I got to the point where I would actually look forward talking to my ex more than I would my lawyer. The meter is running on every conversation.
The first thing my lawyer
The first thing my lawyer told me was “If you had a difficult marriage you’l have a difficult divorce”. My wife and i had a terrible marriage regarding communication, there was none. During the divorcr process we never spoke, all communication was done through our attorneys. The division of assests should have been simple but because of our non communication the attorneys extended things and the process took over a year and cost us more than seventy thousand dollars. If you can get your wife to agree to mediation it will make the process much /cheaper/easier on both of you.
It pays to at least
It pays to at least investigate the mediation option if you're splitting up. The only way it will work is if you and your wife can agree on things. You both have to come to terms with the fact that neither of you will get your way on everything anyway. Once you've past that hurdle, each of you have to think clearly and fairly, with an eye towards what the law says anyway. If you litigate it,the judgment will be exactly what the law calls for, so you just paid your lawyers big bucks for basically drawing up paperwork and holding your hand through the court process. Easier said then done, since divorces have so much emotional baggage attached, and in many cases, already involve betrayal, so the trust may be gone. Probably less than one quarter of the splitting couples out there can actually pull this off. Good luck.
If you can get your wife to
If you can get your wife to agree with the basic issues affecting your divorce, you absolutely should try to go the mediation route. From my understanding, it's pretty much a set fee. You have to discuss all the points with your wife first, and flesh out a basic agreement regarding splitting of the assets, custody, child support, and any other particulars of your marriage. That's the hard part, since most divorces have a lot of emotional drama attached. But if it's a foregone conclusion,and you both are somewhat cordial, then you have to honestly discuss these issues, and educate yourself on the laws in your state. Once you've agreed in prinicple to these matters, go talk to a mediator and let them work out the rest of your agreement. Otherwise, these lawyers will look to drag out your case and bill you for every phone call, court appearance, consultation, and everything else.
I spoke to a friend of mine
I spoke to a friend of mine who was a lawyer, and due to a conflict, he couldn't handle my divorce. But he warned me, and said that mediation is the best remedy. A lawyer will cost you a bundle. They don't get rich doing clean, mess-free divorces. They will encourage conflict and delays to pad the bill. He didn't tell me this directly, but he hinted at it, and he was right. He said mediation was the best course of action, but both parties have to go in with an open mind, and be honest about all issues. If you fail to do that, mediation doesn't work, and you're still stuck with that fee, plus the lawyer on top of it. So a lot depends on you and your spouse, and how your communication is. Good way to save money if you are both rational.
After much rancor, and plenty
After much rancor, and plenty of money spent on both sides, my soon to be ex asks me if I want to do mediation. I wanted to look into it when we first decided to split, but of course she was combative and threatening to try to take me for all my assets. I did the smart thing and retained a lawyer. Now that she sees that the settlement is going to be pretty much in accordance with prevailing law, she realizes that the money spent in lawyers was in large part wasted. Mediation is probably a great and sensible thing, but I think now it would be a waste, since the lawyers have things pretty much drawn up. That means that they would keep all their fees to date, and the mediators would still charge you a full fee to go through the case from beginning to end. To make a long story short, it's probably a good idea, but most people going through the divorce process probably aren't in a position to take advantage of it.
Mediation
Mediation sounds like a great thing but it will only work if the divorce is an "easy" one, which very few are. What I mean is if you and the ex are on speaking terms, in agreement on issues involving the children and the assests can be divided amiably, then mediation will work, but for most people divorces are extended battles of a bad marriage so mediation although logical does not fit into the picture. If I could have done my divorce through a mediator then in all likelihood I would never would be involved in a divorce at all. That sounds a bit convoluted but if we had the ability to communicate at that level I don't think we would have ended up divorced. Every divorce is different but in most cases emotions and bad feelings win out over logical thinking, that's why lawyers exist.
I spoke to a mediator the
I spoke to a mediator the other day. He told me that it would be approximately $2500 total cost, between my wife and I. That's assuming that we have a pretty settled agreement in place. He charges about $400 an hour, the same as a high end lawyer, but doesn't waste a lot of time on things. Gives advice, hammers out the agreement for you, and goes to court for you. He used to be a divorce lawyer, now I guess he gets it done on volume. I'll probably do it, but both the wife and I already burned through thousands of dollars on lawyers first, since she thought she was going to burn me with a lawyer at first. That decision cost us both, but her even more than me. Try to go to these guys first if possible.